Kai Staats: writing

The Writer’s Starting Block

Late to bed, Late to rise
I went to bed late last night, after a hot bath well past midnight. I do not remember walking from the tub to my bed, lying down, nor falling to sleep. I awoke this morning at 8:30 (unusually late for me) fully cognizant of my desire to begin to capture, in writing, the time Chris and I spent in Kenya this month of July.

After two weeks back in the States, I remain without clarity for what to write nor even where to begin, but each day I have been processing, coming closer. It seems then that this morning I am creating the ideal environment in which to invoke the emotions and memories. I have surrounded myself with the comforts of home, sitting on the floor, leaning against a folded futon. At the same time, I recognize the irony in this when one of my first entries will be about the lack of food in the Rift Valley.

I enjoyed a bowl of oatmeal with Colorado honey, blueberries, raisins, and a sliced banana downed with a mug of ginger tea which I made from grated ginger root boiled with honey, cinnamon, and a touch of finely crushed red pepper. If there were just one drink which I would readily consume each and every day it would be home made ginger tea or kombucha, the stringent, ancient Chinese drink made from a carefully crafted growth of Acetobacter (acetic acid bacteria) and yeast. Once you get over the living cultures floating in the jar, it’s quite good.

I crave the satisfaction of sweet spice. The burning sensation of ginger reminds me that what I consume was not processed nor frozen nor sterilized with radiation and preservatives. It is living food for living bodies, like yogurt, fresh fruit and vegetables.

Listening to Car Talk on NPR and then Enigma, Enya, and Flynn. I am ready.

Perhaps a good place to start will be a story we can all relate to, even appreciate in retrospect; a story of playing host to nasty parasites, ancient survivors which thrive within us, wreaking havoc on our bodies, social structures, and economies …

By |2017-04-10T11:17:45-04:00August 15th, 2009|2009, Out of Africa|0 Comments

Update from Morokoshi, Kenya

It is always so difficult to write the first of what may be many entries concerning an adventure, event, or story. This, my fifth time to Africa is no different.

I came here with my good friend Chris Emmel of Fort Collins, Colorado, expecting to build a composting toilet, run water pipes to a new hand-washing facility for the more than 60 children of the Morokoshi preschool, and upgrade the solar PV system.

However, just half way into this journey I am opened to an important realization: well defined projects, the construction of buildings or donation of computers may not be as important as listening, sharing, planning, and overall system design for long-term, sustainable solutions.

In fact, it is possible that the completion of a project is more rewarding to the volunteer than of value to those for whom it was constructed. This is a very, very hard thing to recognize, and even harder to admit for as volunteers, we want to go home and feel that we accomplished something. Sometimes the intangibles, the knowledge shared and relationships built are more important than the brick and mortar.

After two weeks here, at the farm of Stephen Muriithi and Morokoshi School outside of Nakuru, Kenya, I see that Chris and I will not likely leave with as much dirt beneath our finger nails as we had intended. But what we are learning and what we have shared will lead to a future of improved communication and education between SpanAfrica and its Grassroots Partner Organizations.

I am eager to share more, but for now, please take the time to review SpanAfrica volunteer Grace Proctor’s Facebook page about Morokoshi.

By |2017-04-10T11:17:46-04:00July 17th, 2009|2009, Out of Africa|0 Comments

Educating Esmé: A Teacher’s Diary

As an avid listener of NPR, I thoroughly enjoy my cross-country travel as a time to immerse myself in focused education and stimulating entertainment. I have this past few years, with the advent of Sirius satellite radio, found my ability to learn via listening alone vastly improved. And with that, I cannot get enough–I could drive for a dozen hours a day for a week on-end if only to have that focused time without interruption to listen and learn.

In recent years I feel as though I have graduated from U.S. Economics 210, Middle Eastern Politics 200, and Culinary Arts 104. While Click & Clack have invoked my laughter for over ten years, Garrison Keillor and Scott Simon have given me stories which I will remember for a lifetime. Michele Norris, Liane Hansen, Diane Roberts, Will Shortz, Nina Totenberg and a host of equally talented, rich voices have woken me each and every morning for as long as I can remember … voices that have accompanied me on countless road trips in the South West and coast-to-coast, across the U.S.

Coming back from Phoenix last week, there was a story which is worth sharing, for it was perhaps one of the most engaging hours of radio I have enjoyed in this past few years. It is the story of Esmé Codell in her first year of teaching in the Chicago public school system. Read by Esmé, it is emotionally moving, thought provoking, heart wrenching, and hilarious. I cried, laughed, and wanted to rewind to hear it all again.

I encourage you to do the same.

By |2017-04-10T11:17:46-04:00June 22nd, 2009|From the Road|0 Comments

Return to Kenya

In just 2 weeks time, I will return to Kenya to work for three weeks at the Morokoshi school, outside of Nakuru.

My friend Chris Emmel and I will focus our efforts on upgrading the solar PV system with an improved charge controller, inverter/charger, batteries, 2 more panels, and heavier gauge wire. We also hope to build a composting toilet for the now greater than 80 children, and an improved water catchment and purification system.

This trip comes as fruition to a 4-month reorganization program Rebecca, Cameron, Brad, and I have undertaken in preparation for the expansion of SpanAfrica. It’s been an exciting time, to gain so much support and see new potential open for those grassroots organizations with whom we work in Africa.

And yes, we are in need of substantial funds to enable all of this to unfold as planned. To date, we have raised just under $1000 of the minimal $7000 required. [link to fund raising pages removed].

By |2013-03-03T11:10:45-04:00June 22nd, 2009|2009, Out of Africa|0 Comments

The Stars’ Embrace

Preface
As dreams go, they are in many respects out of our conscious control, even if lucid dreaming. While individual choice may be available, the context, the dreamscape in which the dream unfolds is often presented to the dreamer, a call to adventure, a risk of the unknown.

In this particular dream, I was at the very opening granted a background of strong emotion but few facts, only enough to enabled me to understand the otherwise bizarre terrain and conditions in which I found myself.

I have inserted my photos of the lava flows below Kilauea, Big Island, Hawaii, taken in 1991 and 2006.

Fire’s Edge

Marooned
I stood a half dozen steps behind Karaen and Chao. Both of them already stripped of their field gear, they wore only light, grey-white pants and a darker, tight, short sleeve top made of the same, synthetic fabric. Chao wore his shirt tucked into his pants while Karaen long ago gave up the regimen of dress code and as I watched, removed her shirt altogether. She stepped back from the fierce heat as it now reached out and tore at her bare chest, burning the ends of her long, black hair. The river of molten rock that passed just to their front, ten meters broad and seemingly just as deep, cut through a red rock canyon uninterrupted by anything living or even reminiscent of life.

Flow

I was not prepared to watch someone die whom I had come to care for so deeply. So many years in training, living within nearly impossible, cramped quarters, and then exploration of this relentless alien world. Our time together as brothers and sisters, as superiors and lovers left us without need for additional words, our decision set in motion days prior.

It reminded me of too many times watching a loved one pack her things in what I cognitively knew was the last goodbye, but inside so many words continued to press against the back of my throat with desire to reconnect and try again. If only I could present the missing solution, the one we had not yet discovered, maybe then we would find a way to stay together, a way to survive this hostile world, to ignore the reality of our situation. There is always a way, I told myself over and over, there is always a way.

Our base camp, our shelter, our rations, and our communication back to Earth had been completely destroyed. We had what we could carry on our backs and in our hands, no more. We tried to repair what we could find of our equipment, but there were only the three of us now, with no hope for assistance from an orbiting ship, for it had long ago left for the voyage home. It would be years before anyone would know what had become of our mission, the time required to communicate far greater than the time we had available under any scenario we had explored.

Heat

Now we sat on the edge of a fast, smooth lava flow moving as a river of silver and black by day, orange and red by night. The surface swirled slowly with eddies and bubbles of varying temperature and chemical composition. We had been transfixed for countless hours, without conversation, the two of them steadily moving closer, me remaining further behind, still seeking resolve for a debate long since settled.

Suddenly, Karaen took the final few steps to the river’s edge. She didn’t look back to me nor to her right, for we had said goodbye days earlier. I could see that the heat of the river was already burning her bare skin, but she felt nothing then nor when she dove headfirst into the flowing fire. She was nearly instantly consumed, without struggle, without a sound. Only the momentary breath of a dragon as the thick surface of the flow was broken, the molecules of her hair, skin, muscle, bone, and DNA fully consumed.

I felt as though I had been kicked in the stomach. I wrapped my arms around myself and twisted from side to side. This is not how it was suppose to end. This is not the dream we had shared. The final three astronauts of a failed mission stranded on a barren, red stone planet whose bold blue sky met undulating cliffs cut not by running rivers of water and life, but by magma which had found its way to the surface through relentless pressure and little concern for time.

To my front and right, my final companion did not appear to notice when the lava river was momentarily satisfied by the sacrifice of a human form. He sat on the edge of a rock shelf, palms down at his side pressing to the stone, arms flexing in preparation. His head low and stare forward, he dangled his bare feet above the fire. I did not understand how he could tolerate his position, just a few meters above the surface, for even at my distance I involuntarily turned from side to side, my arms unwrapping in order that my hands could shield my face.

Chao raised his head, looked out to the other side of the fiery river, and for just a moment his body was lifted from the rock shelf and suspended from his shoulders. He kicked his legs out and then his body lept down into the lava. Feet, legs, torso, and head disappeared without struggle, a torch of light and sound shooting from the momentary opening his form created.

Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust. The spirit is set free through the fire of rocket propulsion, energy to explore the stars. But in the end, it is the original creative process, the one that formed the stars themselves which recalls even the most independent soul, demanding, ‘Return to me and I will consume you.’

Touch

I stood there, alone, weeping, shifting to one leg and then to the other. I repeatedly walked toward the river of lava and away again when the heat became too intense. While completely illogical, I scanned the river bank, hoping to see my lost companions resurface. I wanted to join them. I did not desire to be alone, completely alone. I tried to let go, to run and jump without concern for the pending moments of pain. But I could not. My legs simply would not carry me to that end.

After an hour, maybe more, knowing I would never again find warmth in the embrace of another human nor share a conversation with anyone but myself, I reached down, lifted my backpack, took what remained of my companions’ rations, then turned and walked up the undulating hill of nearly seamless red stone.

Our orbital surveys had shown traces of flowing water in the highlands, and in my mind I pictured fields of green. To this place I would go. Even if it did not exist, I would try. I tightened the familiar straps over my shoulders and linked the waist belt to hold my only chance of survival tight to my body, I climbed up, away from the heat and the fire and the loss, to the intangible sky above the darkening, red horizon.

© Kai Staats 2009

By |2017-04-10T11:17:46-04:00May 3rd, 2009|Dreams, Looking up!|0 Comments

The River’s Edge

I was sitting across from the order pickup counter, in the third from the end of a double-sided row of booths that ran the length of this one-room, inner city diner. The main entrance was to my back. To my left, across the isle and along the outside wall of the restaurant, another row of booths, each filled with anticipating or recently satisfied patrons.

The original construction was likely ’50s or ’60s, but the vinyl seats were relatively new, the tile floor repaired so many times that fewer original pieces remained than those which were replaced.

I sat facing a large, multi-pane window at the end of the restaurant opposite the entrance. I took note of the river, brown and gray, whose surface was without substantial features. It ran parallel to the outside wall of the restaurant, from left to right. The river’s bed was maybe eight or nine feet lower than the city grade, its banks gently sloped, brown leaves over green, a confused mid-state between winter and spring. The water was cold in the overcast light, low clouds obscuring any view of the sun and sky.

I was with two men, business associates I believe, for we were wearing button-down shirts tucked into our pleated slacks. The man seated across from me had arrived with a long rain coat, the kind that is worn over a suit in cities like Chicago, Boston, or New York. He carried a briefcase which rested open on the end of the dining table, adjacent to the partition between our booth and the one on the other side. This dream did not provide much detail for the man to my right, seated on my side of the booth.

Through my small portal to the outside world, I lost focus on the intent of the meeting. My business associates spoke to one another, waving hands and tapping fingers on printed figures whose sheets lay scattered between three times filled yet half empty cups of coffee and small plates which held the remains of a quickly consumed lunch.

I did my best to pay attention to the conversation, and yet I remained transfixed to the water whose swirling brown eddies carried white bubbles and debris through elliptical orbits eventually overwhelmed by the rules of gravity and flow. I looked down to my hands on the table, then up to my associates’ faces, giving a well-timed, polite nod of approval to something I did not fully comprehend; then back to my front and again the window.

One of the eddies broke open, water thrown to the sides as a woman’s head broke the surface and rose from the river. Just a dozen feet from the bank, she struggled to bring herself upright, exhausted and I could only imagine, very cold.

I stood half way up from my seat, as far as the confines of the table would allow, holding myself upright with my hands as much as my legs.

The woman found purchase in the river bottom and half walked, half pulled herself toward the shore. She looked back over her shoulder with some difficulty, reaching to take the hand of a child whose body just broke the surface. The young girl could not have been over the age of twelve years.

As they pulled themselves onto shore, the river continuing to flow over their bare feet, I noticed that both were wearing dresses that I would place in the 1700s, something now found only in theater or a movie. Plain, worn, and tattered from work and wear. Their hair was wet, gray and brown and streaks of black intermingled, as though they had been in the river so long to absorb its color.

I had stood fully now, sliding from the end of the booth. The woman and child lay on the river bank, grass and leaves beneath their palms, knees and sides. I noticed the translucent nature of their dresses, the cloth soaked and clinging to their shaking bodies.

As I watched them gain their feet, I realized with some level of disbelief that it was not the dresses that were transparent, but the woman and girl themselves, for I could see the bank of the river through them.

The girl clung to the woman’s hand and thigh, the skin of her outstretched hands as colorless as the dress. The woman turned, looked over her left shoulder away from the child, and stared directly at me from across the river, up the bank, and through the diner window. Even at this distance, I received the moment of her stare as though she were standing before me. I received anger, pain, and fear, causing me to intentionally hold back my own emotion.

I quickly looked back to my associates, to the two men at my table. They saw my face, followed my stare out the window, and back to me again.

The man across from me, his back to the diner window and river asked, “What’s wrong?”

“There,” pointing to the window which overlooked the river, “a woman and child just came out of the river. I, I think they nearly drowned. There, look, can you see them?”

Their heads turned quickly to the window, as did a few others in the restaurant having overhead my statement, or curious for what we witnessed outside. The two men rose from their seats and quickly followed me to the window. Those seated in the last booth recoiled with discomfort as we pressed ourselves to the window, one of the men kneeling on the edge of their booth.

But no, they did not see them, nor now could I. I aggressively pressed myself to the window, forcing the others, which now included a woman who sat at the last booth, out of my way. I looked frantically from side to side, scanning the full bank of the river that was visible to me.

“They’re gone. God, what could have happened? I need to go see if they are alright.”

I turned back to face the restaurant. A good majority of its patrons were now looking at me and the commotion by the last booth near the window. It was oddly quiet for a restaurant. Even the waitresses had stopped serving. Someone mentioned calling nine-one-one, but posed it more as a question than a command.

I hurried back to our booth, intent on gathering my things. My associates walked behind me, quiet, unsettled, I was certain. I paused for a moment, questioning what I had seen, not certain now of my own integrity of my own experience.

The man who sat to my right slid past me and into the booth. As I stood there, not certain what to do, I lost my balance, stumbled and knocked an emptied soup bowl and spoon to the floor. Startled, the waitress moved quickly to assist me, as did my associate who was nearly seated, but I was already kneeling on the floor to collect the fallen ware.

The three of us saw what had happened next, at the same time, and simultaneously froze.

I set the bowl upright, on the floor, and then placed the spoon in the bowl before bracing myself to rise. I reached for the bowl, but before I could make contact, the spoon flipped to the other side as though my hand were magnetic and of an opposite charge.

I nearly lost my balance and looked up to see if anyone had noticed. They were both silent, intent upon the bowl, then me, and the bowl again. I reached again. The spoon spun a full circle in the bowl, the ladle in the center, the handle riding around the rim.

I pulled back and nearly sat down. I looked at the bowl and spoon, my hands, and then back to the bowl and spoon again. I waved my right hand over the bowl in a circular motion and the spoon spun wildly, round and round and round for as many times as I motioned with my hands, even continuing for a full turn of its own momentum.

The waitress stepped back and uttered a sound that was somewhere between a shriek and a reprimand, as though I should know better than to do such things in her restaurant.

Now one knee and one hand on the floor, I looked up. My business associate was staring with such focus that nothing I did at that moment could not have distracted him from the bowl and spoon.

My other associate, to my left, had now risen from his seated position in the booth and while leaning over the table, nearly fell when his arms gave way to the weight of his trembling torso.

I felt cold, anxious, and scared. The image of the woman’s eyes reaching mine was mixed with fear and delight. Sweat ran freely down my spine and the front of my chest. Even my neck was warm, on this otherwise cold, wintry day.

I looked up, not to any one person but across the whole restaurant. Words pressed against the back of my throat, an acidic bile that I tried to swallow. My stomach convulsed, and then I said, “They’re coming.”

And at that instant someone at the far end of the isle in which I crouched cried out, and the whole assembly of the patrons were immediately aware of the sound of dozens of footfalls, wet human feet moving across the restaurant tile.

I looked down to the bowl again, then rose up to my feet with the bowl and spoon in hand. I looked down to set them on the table, and when I looked up again the woman and child from the river bank stood before me, and behind them a dozen more pairs of women and children, some boys, some girls.

All were wet and cold with shivering pale blue gray skin, their feet bare and bodies covered with ragged dresses, nothing more. More opaque now than what I observed before, but not entirely solid, I wanted to reach out to touch the woman to my front but recalled my arm and hand afraid that I would not touch anything at all.

I was torn between wanting to jump over the booth and run or embracing them to give them warmth. But all I could do was sit on the edge of the table while I held the woman’s stare. The girl at the woman’s side held what I now know to be her mother’s hand and thigh, the same as when they crawled onto the river’s bank just moments before.

The woman’s eyes offered no greater detail now then when she was fifty yards away. I could neither feel comfortable nor turn away. I felt a great deal of emotion welling up inside. No end to sadness and despair. I don’t know why, but I said, “I am sorry.”

She looked down at her daughter, then walked past me, all of them followed, wet feet sliding across the tile floor. To the end of the isle and window they walked, and without hesitation, through the wall, to the river, and back again into the water.

One by one, their feet, thighs, their entire bodies and heads disappeared into the eddies. Small white bubbles swirled round where the last of their flowing gray, brown, and black hair submerged.

© Kai Staats 2009

By |2017-04-10T11:17:46-04:00April 18th, 2009|Dreams|0 Comments

Update from Morokoshi, Kenya

Morokoshi classroom 1

On 2008-12-21 Steve Muriithi, Morokoshi founder wrote:

[With] the mood of the the new year … the Japanees friend broke good news this week … want to build [a new] class through the cloth company; this was a very big surprise after an year of big struggle. This makes our plan successful.

Everything is doing great and i can see that we may succeed, our plan may even beat our time. The only thing that we should do is to make our work and management to be the best in east and central Africa.

Morokoshi classroom 2

Having a big worry of a large intake next year, now you sleep tight cause i can see that we shall be having new class desk and now we should be looking ahead for chairs and washroom. The school in Kenya open in the second week of January.

The playing field is now ready and im happy that the new kids will have a good playing ground. After X-mas i will send you the photo of how far i have gone interestingly all the money that im using is from my juice stand. It have prove to be the best.

2009-02-09
Thank you for the good work that you continue doing for Morokoshi. Cam, the letter that you wrote to the council addressing the market grievances is now at work and the council [has] started responding to our problem. i miss your way of writing and the way you can arrange things. Thank for your knowledge.

Kai, i have now doors and windows that i bought and i wish you and your team work were near to fix them on behalf of the school. i miss your good work. the school is doing well and all is well. the changes that we all believe in is now coming to morokoshi and you can see it beauty. It’s so wonderful!

Morokoshi classroom 3 Morokoshi classroom 4 Morokoshi classroom 5

By |2017-04-10T11:17:46-04:00February 17th, 2009|2009, Out of Africa|0 Comments

A Mute Future

With only so many words
A friend recently engaged me in an interesting discussion initiated by her receipt of an email from inspirationpeak.com. The question went something like this, “What if everyone has only so many words inside … sooner or later you’d run out of words … and you’d never know when it was going to happen because everybody would have a different allotment. I could be in the middle of a story, run out of words … and never finish.”

I responded as follows:

As an engineer I would calculate the potential of my life span and divide the number of words remaining over the number of days, careful to use only the allotted number per day. If one day required more, then I would conserve for the next.

As an inventor, I would create a new way to communicate such that words would no longer be required.

As an entrepreneur, I would package my words by verb, noun, and modifiers and then sell them to those who are in need of more.

As an linquist, I would warn people of the hazards of using too many words at one time and the pending future in which words no longer exist.

But as an artist or perhaps as a lover, I would dump all my words into a single time and place simply because it felt right, with no fear of a mute future. I would live in silence for my remaining days knowing that my voice was consumed by an act of passion which no number of words could ever recreate.

By |2009-02-14T12:59:09-04:00February 14th, 2009|The Written|1 Comment

Letting go …

Sometimes the effort to hang on is simply too great, and we fall.

Sometimes the path we follow does not lead where we desire, and we are trapped.

Sometimes the choice is made for us, and we are defeated.

But sometimes accepting the potential of nothing is the path which leads … to everything.

By |2009-02-14T12:30:49-04:00February 14th, 2009|The Written|0 Comments

’twas the Day Before Christmas Eve …

Spinning SUVs
I am sitting in a Denny’s just off of Interstate 40 in Grants, New Mexico. The storm outside is not the kind that lowers visibility to an uncomfortable level, nor one that will bury the cars in the hotel parking lot during the night. Instead, the relatively warm day (mid 40s F) heated the road just enough to melt the snow from the previous flurry before the surface froze again, creating a perfect sheet of ice just beneath the thin layer of white. The transition from dry pavement to ice was rapid, in less than a half mile. It was catching everyone off-guard.

My ’03 AWD Subaru burdened with camping, climbing, and biking gear, gifts for my family, and ample food for a few days was relatively stable, tracking forward without issue. But when I passed an SUV in the ditch facing the wrong direction, and another spun-out just in front of me moments later, facing backward in the median, I decided the next exit was the safest bet. I passed two more recently stranded vehicles and a state trooper before I left the interstate in the last mile.

I contemplated stopping to help, but determined that my vehicle on the side of what was quickly becoming a single lane could complicate the rapidly building danger zone. Unfortunately, many of those vehicles would need assistance from a team of horses or a decently sized tow truck with studs or chains to be removed from their unfortunate position.

Dooenok?
The man now seated across from me also came down I-25 and over on I-40, in an SUV. He too felt the call of Denny’s late night menu. My salad and omelet consumed, I am enjoying watching the variety of travelers stagger in, take a seat, and order. Some are regulars, it seems, the menu not required. Others may be experiencing Denny’s for the first time. It’s an interesting dance, the wait staff asking the same questions, the answer slightly different from each patron.

Walk in. Sit down. Talk about the weather. Sit back. Relax. The waitress comes to the table every few minutes, asking again “You still do’n ok?” which sounds like “Dooenok?” If English were not my first language, I would not understand and just nod to be polite. Stand up. Walk out. Over and over, hundreds of times per day.

If this behavior were tracked, each person tagged with a marker that is traced on three axis, the flow of human particles over any given time in Denny’s may resemble the movement of a gas into and out of a vented chamber. Not unlike the combustion in the cylinders that power the vehicles which brought each of us to this place, come in cold and under a little pressure, consume, expand, and then leave warm and satisfied.

It’s times like this that you can do nothing but make the best of it. I have no guarantee that I will make Phoenix by tomorrow night for Christmas eve. A discussion between travelers in two other booths makes it obvious that I stopped in the first mile of what is now over twenty or thirty miles of mess. I may awake to five or six feet of snow in the morning or crawl along at a sub-optimal velocity as I attempt to cut south from Holbrook, along the beautiful Mogollon Rim, through Payson, past the foothills of the Superstitions, and into the East valley.

But whatever happens, it’s part of the adventure of travel. Whether in the U.S., Japan, India, Kenya, or Spain, even with the best of modern technology, I simply do not have control over all the variables nor do I desire this. It is the unknowns that sometimes give us the gift of surprise and therein a new appreciation for those basic things which we otherwise take for granted.

By |2017-04-10T11:17:46-04:00December 24th, 2008|From the Road|0 Comments
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